Identity !!!!

My identity and my personality development have been influenced by my family and surroundings-the environment. I perceived myself the way others perceive me. My family has a big impact on me. For example In my family I am the only one who finish High school. specially my mom always perceives me as her smartest child. Because she perceives me as her smartest child, it  motivates me more at school.


The looking-glass self by C. H. Cooley is a very good example of how I perceive myself through the society, through others' view. C. H. Cooley has summed it up in his statement: "I am not what I think I am and I am not what you think I am; I am what I think that you think I am." Charles Horton Cooley in 1902 (McIntyre 2006), states that a person's self grows out of society's interpersonal interactions and the perceptions of others.

 
 The term identity refers to people shaping themselves based on other people's perception, which leads the people to reinforce other people's perspectives on themselves. People shape themselves based on what other people perceive and confirm other people's opinion on themselves. Cooley clarified it in writing that society is an interweaving and inter working of mental selves. It is always good to management other perception of you.

The environment and the society we live in, our relationships, the choices we make define our "Identity".According to this definition it is very valuable to know your identity, this will help you determine your choice. It is also good to know how other people define your identity, how others see you. Remember you are not what you think you are,but what they think that you are. I would never be who I am now without my surrounding, without my family, education, my environment etc. Finally We can not avoid the influence of genes on personality because it is built within us . My family remains the most important factor no matter what. So, try to provide your children a better environment to grow up in order to become a better person.

　

LoNeLiNeSS

 

One of the loneliest period since my life was a sixth grader because of my "otherness"  But I am not alone in my loneliness! Even brilliant celebrities have felt lonely because of their difference. One such person is Thandie Newton,  (born 6 November 1972)  an English actress. She has appeared in a number of British and American films.

In her speech titled "Embracing Otherness, Embracing Myself" Newton discusses feeling different and other as a student because she was the only atheist in a Catholic. She was also the only black girl in her all-white neighborhood. Her religion and race made her feel out of place.

This feeling of "otherness" happened to me in  1996 when I moved to Suriname from Haiti. I was different from everyone else in my sixth grade class. But the difference was not because I was black since there were a lot of black people in the classroom, nor my age since most of the students were my age.The biggest issue was the language.  I came from a French speaking country and landed in a Dutch speaking country. 

I felt defined by my "otherness" which  made me feel fear, shame, shyness and hopelessness.I was surrounded by many classmates, yet I felt very lonely because I as stranger. As a stranger, I began to believe that there is some thing wrong, that I didn't fit. But wanted to fit in, to belong with my classmate.  

In my experience, once I learned the language, I was able to communicate, play with my classmates, so I didn't feel lonely. I could interact with my peers. I could learn to fit in by learning the language. 

Luckily for me in Suriname, I could learn to speak Dutch. In that case, I could remove the obstacle.  Language different are definitely a source of otherness, making people feel lonely.  But this difference  can be changed. It might be difficult, but I know from my experience that the work of learning Dutch helped me fit in.

 .

Say No !! To The "N" Word!!

The word "nigger" is a key term in American culture. It is a profoundly hurtful racial slur meant to stigmatize African Americans; on occasion, it also has been used against members of other racial or ethnic groups, including Chinese, other Asians, East Indians, Arabs and darker-skinned people. It has been an important feature of many of the worst episodes of bigotry in American history. It has accompanied innumerable lynchings, beatings, acts of arson, and other racially motivated attacks upon blacks. It has also been featured in countless jokes and cartoons that both reflect and encourage the disparagement of blacks. It is the signature phrase of racial prejudice.
Before the Civil War, the word was used primarily by slave owners and became acceptable and common. After the Civil War, white supremacists and segregationists continued using the word even without the existence of slavery. Today, nigger is considered the most offensive of racial slurs and even because of the deep-rooted historical context it possesses.

It summons bad parts of history which some would prefer to forget. There are many people who don't enjoy the thoughts of oppression or slavery, and when racial conflict is brought up it doesn't help, much like war veterans don't like to be reminded of war.

My grand parents,your grand parents, our grand parents have survived for hundreds of years until they were free, and now that they're free, the modern white man harasses them and beats them. I mean, they even had a world wide organization named for them. I am totally against the us of the "N" word I think it offends a lot of people and should never be use under any circumstances, because this word carries a gross stereotype, consisting of all negative fallacies and empty detraction of character

　

　

Using it promotes its use. As it is so offensive, even using it in a playful, unoffensive manner can spread its use in general, which doesn't help when used in the vicinity of someone who doesn't enjoy being called it.

People were been killed because of this offensive word

people were hurt because of this offensive word

Stop using the N-word /nigger/niggar and any other word that relates to it, will  disappear this word in the next 20-50 years so the next won't have to worry about this word anymore.

Time management

 

 

 

 

This video give an illustration how to improve your time mangement.

 Do you feel like you have enough time to do all things you have to do and want to do? How do you think you could manage your time better?

 

  According the video above by Steve John there are many ways to improve your time management

 

Let's find out..

The whole point behind most people struggling with time management is a lack of motivation

 

according to the video above. There is a reason you are putting important tasks off until later;

 

One of the reason people put thing aways are:

• lack of motivation
• lack of time management
• lack of set goals

                   Solution
Don't give up, it's not to late.

First of all let's find out the goal of time managemt;

One of the goal is to help yourself become aware of how you use your time.

 

As one resource in:

• organizing
• prioritizing

And what about if we take a few second to connote time management;

 

Time management is developing criteria for adjusting your schedule to meet both Academic and non Academic needs.

 Now we are ready to be in action.

At first we can do that by simple create a term calendar, write your topic and check your daily progress and don’t forget to be specific about your exams ,and quizzes'dates.

Create a weekly schedule write down appointments,class's schedule, your available time and grid each day of the week. Finally create a simple to do list, identify a few items, the reason of doing them, a time line for getting this done.

 

 

 You have to remember to prioritize you"Daily Tasks" , we are creators,we must be specific about your study time, and then print the time management sheet out and post it for reminders. Remember poor time management is a great cause of procrastination.

 

Procrastination

 

Does this what happen in the video ever happen to your life,you have too many stuffs to do , you don't even know which one to do first?

 

Do you ever leave all your homework for the weekend,What happen then when you feel it is not possible to get your stuffs done on time?

 

Something likes this ,happened to me last week. I had left all my home work to do on the weekend.

My homework for the weekend:

 

• On Wednesday I got homework from Communication class.  
• Thursday I received a bundle homework ( Academic success' skill project)from Personal Development class which requires a few researches.  
• On Friday I got homework from English 114 that would due on Saturday.
• On Friday night Reading 158 Teacher posted homework on blackboard that would due on the following Monday.

 

I work from Friday through Monday and on Sunday I usually go church.

Does it seem impossible to finish all that task on Saturday morning and a few hours on Sunday?

 

To me the Answer is Yes, I had procrastinated. But I didn't spend my time complaining about it.I started organize my home work.I prioritized them.I missed the Sunday church service. I started with the hardest one.In less than 12 hours I was able to accomplish my tasks without a headache.

 

Procrastination is the art of putting things off till you absolutely need to do them. Often by the motivation of a due date or someone constantly bitching to you past the point of human tolerance.To participate in meaningless activities, such as playing video games or Twitter, instead of doing the home work when you know it really needs to be done.

Reasons of procrastination:

 

You are not the only one who procrastinate . It happens from annoyance to misery. From laziness to anxiety,but why do we procrastinate! The answer seem varies to me. It depends on your story. People procrastinate for many reasons, for instance :

 

• I’m so afraid of failing that I would rather not try than to try but fail.
• I’m afraid to be successful because people will envy me or see me as a threat ,and then I’ll lose them.  
• I need to defiant ,or they will rule me and win.
• This task holds no interest for me unless it is so last minute as to be perilous and thrilling.

 

Solution of procrastion:

 

According to Dr.Gail Saltz ,a psychologiest,don’t be daunted by how much needs to be done, start small,tackling the least noxious task first.

No way....,Let's change this habit now.

I mean NOWWWWWWWWWWWW !

 

Let's break the pattern and tackled it Now !!!

 

• First find your fears and identify situation when you mostly procrastinate.
• Articulate what you get out of procrastinating
• Consider the problems your procrastination create vs what you think you get out of it.  
• Start Small

 

This is the system I use now to prevent procrastination, and it works to me.

you might try it!!

Remember Your Worth: "Ee'da's Fade to White:"

I want to make sure you understand this video: "Ee'da fade to White" Enlightening spoken word piece on color consciousness by Ee'da.

 

Many Black women - just like the Indians and other Asians women- spend a lot of money to lighten on their skin.Why... ? I like black women with light skin color. Why..? Unfortuateley, here is an ideology that being dark-skinned in "bad" and light skin is "good". These standards were established during the slavery period of American History, and that ideology continues to
make it difficult for people who are dark skinned.

But Deep love and gratitude for yourself for you who are. To appreciate, love yourself the way Ee'da tells us to on her spoken words. I've never known this artist nor her genious. her video reminds me that bleaching that people do to try and look whiter is bad, because it alters natural state; it is sad also, because it lowers your self-concept and self-esteem. Remember your self-concept evaluates your self worth !

 

Beauty comes in all colours and shades ideals.Nobody should ever try to be somebody that they are not, try to fit society's standards of beauty, only what they themselves really are.Sometimes I try to see things from different perspectives. Beauty is beauty.It doesn't matter if you're white, black, yellow, purple, blue, what ever! I know how frustrating it can be, everyone judges everyone for no reason.
 In my opinion black people bleaching their skin is a form of self hatred, Black people should be proud of their skin.

 

Beauty is Beauty

Does the way someone makes his/her hair make him/her a better person ?
Does the way someone dress change his/her personality?
I don't think so, Your Identity shape by others perception but yourself never change.
You are who you are. perception is also affected by physical appearance. For many black women, perception is shaped by their hair.

 Such an empowering song. India.Arie reminds listeners that we often fail to understand we are not what people see. " Straight or nappy hair " doesn't define a person's soul.

We may perceive someone by first impressions, but India. Arie encourages us to look more deeply to see the soul. We must stop this immediate judgment. But first, we must understand how perceptions work.

 

Sources of Perception: Media, experience, culture etc. influence our ideas about beauty and how we judge ourselves  within  society. For example, many people see a woman with a shortly cropped hairstyle & make the assumption that she is a lesbian! A lot of the men I know,think a woman should always have long flowing locks at all times as it is a feminine thing. I can understand that.

I also realize this thought probably comes from some deep-rooted, our culture, our life experience, and the source of our perceptions.

Take Responsibility for your action !!!

                                                          

                                   Tuo Ne Akofena


Being responsible means others can trust you to do things with excellence.

Responsibility is the ability to respond ably and make smart choices. It can also refer to someone who is willing to the blame when things go wrong instead of making excuses or passing the blame to someone else. While this is a noble idea, I think it is getting more rare these days in both Eastern and Western cultures.



When you hear the word “responsibility “, what do you think of first..

Listen to this Video  “ All About Responsibility”.

I came from Virginia together with a friend. He lived in an apartment near me. Every month-end he got trouble with his roommate because all the bills were on his name. Every month they wanted to see the Bill. He always refused. I talked to him to showed him the bills, he always have an excuse, every month he had a different story. He always said. I paid the bills online,yeah but print the bills out. Yeah but my printer doesn't work. He never found time ,even to call SDGE to send him the paper bills was an issue. One day every one revolted against him and put him out. Do you see what happen?


We make the choices consciously or unconsciously that influence the outcome of our lives. Then he came to me and said. ´´ these people are weak,he tried to blame them´´.We first need to be responsible for ourselves before we can be responsible for others. In learning to be more responsible it is important that we know our limitations. It does not matter how smart we are,there is only so much responsibility that a person can handle. Many people think of the word blame,when they hear the word ´´responsibility´´

Whose responsibility is this? I think of responsibility as seizing what's in front of you,exerting choice,and taking control. The real meaning of responsibility is the ability to respond. It’s going out and creating what you want through personal choices.

Everyone need to take full responsibilities for all of his/her actions.

 

First Impressions: True or False?

When you look  at this picture, what do you see?

• A freaking  lazy black guy living in a ghetto ?
• Someone smoking Ganja on the corner?
• A highschool drop-out trouble-makers?

Now, Look at this picture:

            When you see me with my wife and son, you that I am husband, father - a part of a family. 

You saw two picutres, both of me, but each picture brought up a different set of judments. Isn't it  amazing how perception works ? Perception is a process of making sense of everything. It is also the way you describe ,judge or experience someone or some thing, depending on your life experience and your culture

People make judments of you as soon as they look at you, just as someone might have done when looking at my pictures.

Viewers perceptions of me changed because seeing me with a familly brings up different sets of assessments. But perception is also affected by physical appearance. For many black women, perception is shaped by their hair.

Listen to this Video " I am not my Hair"

Does the way someone makes his/her hair make him/her a better person ? 

Does the way someone dress  change his/her personality?

I don't think  so,  Your Identity  shape by others perception  but yourself never change.

You are  who  you  are.

 

FIRST IMPRESSIONS > > >

                               

Support is highy important!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

                                  Support highly important!!!!!!!!!!!!!

During the retreat with the TELA -The Exponential Learning Academy, a learning community that focuses on the African American-students in professor Janelle's house, my professor  commanded me and my classmates to lie on our backs in the hot sun, arms outstretched.What is going?

We were sweating in the sun, looking at each other.It is impossible! My legs trembled as i reached across the hot pavements. Students sweaty arms supported my waist and legs.I thought I'd fall down. They were screaming you can do it! Go go...,we get you. I never have had classmates clutching my thighs and feet.Why I am here? I felt I wanted help. I asked for help. I could not get any further. I did not get any.Why....?


Ask specific where or and how you want help .It is extremely important to specify your need, where and how do you want help.One of my classmates,peter,wanted help,.. He asked me for help,how clearer he was,the better I was able to help him. I think should  support each other.